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  “I’m here to see my mother.”

  She waves me in and shuts the door with a sound thud. “Did you make an appointment?”

  “I wasn’t aware my mother required appointments to see her only daughter.”

  Her lips pinch together in disapproval as I look at her with wide, innocent eyes.

  “I’ll see if she’s up for visitors.” She pivots and walks away.

  “From her daughter,” I remind her.

  She slows down just a touch when I say it and I nearly laugh at how uptight she is. When she’s gone, I sit down on the couch and study the room. There are pictures on the side table and one of them is a close-up of my mother and Benswei. He has his arm around her and her head is leaning against his chest. I don’t realize my lip is curled until it gets stuck that way and I have to consciously smooth out my expression. I don’t want her to see me fazed in any way.

  I wait for twenty minutes and by the time my mother steps into the room, I’ve gone through every emotion: disgust, fear, pain…sadness, loss, love, detachment.

  “You shouldn’t have come,” she says.

  “You left me hanging with your threats about Elias. I need to know—what does Father have on him?”

  “You make it sound like your father is blackmailing Elias.”

  I level her with a look and she smiles. Her smiles typically don’t reach her eyes and they are far more serene than what lies in her mind. She looks like a beautiful, peaceful woman until you look into her eyes and see the distance there. It’s like a fathomless well that doesn’t allow anyone in, ever.

  “Let’s cut the games, Mother, shall we?”

  Surprise flits across her face and she clasps her hands together. “We shall. This is how it’s going to be. You speak out on behalf of your father, testify at his upcoming trial, and Elias’s debt will be canceled.”

  “How much does he owe?”

  “Four million shartrovs.”

  My mouth drops and my heart gallops away from me. Four million shartrovs. Oh Elias, what have you done?

  “My testimony won’t get Father out of jail. The word of his daughter?” My laugh sounds choked. “There’s no way it will be enough.”

  She shrugs. “Maybe it would be enough for your father. Maybe to know you are standing by him is all that matters.”

  “If that were true, he wouldn’t have touched Elias when I was standing by him. He knows how I feel about Elias. It’s not enough and you know it.”

  “No, it isn’t. Which is why you will then convince Luka to stop this nonsense and give me what is rightfully mine.”

  “You act like I have magical powers that can undo all the damage you’ve both created.”

  “When you set your mind to something, you get your way.”

  Instead of being combative with her, I decide to take a step back in the conversation and go back to my original reason for coming.

  “Is it more than a gambling problem? Is something else going on with Elias?”

  “I thought you knew your future husband so well,” she taunts. “Sounds like you need to work on your relationship. He is getting on rather well with that guard—what’s her name?”

  I ignore her and keep pushing, slowly changing tactics. “If you could just start from the beginning, so I know what you’re expecting of me.”

  “I’ve already said what we expect. If you’d like your beloved Elias to be cleared of his debts, you’ll start speaking out on your father’s innocence, and you’ll convince Luka to give me back what is rightfully mine. It’s only a matter of time before your father gets out anyway, and when he does, you don’t want to be standing on the wrong side.”

  “Luka has proof. How am I supposed to get around that?”

  Her eye twitches and she blinks rapidly, moving past me to look out the window. She’s a beautiful woman and seeing her outside the castle walls is odd for me, as is knowing she’s living with another man…which brings me to my next question.

  “What does Father think of you living with Benswei?”

  She waves her hand and scoffs at me. “He’s the one who arranged this whole set-up. I don’t know if he considered that I might grow rather fond of Benswei…but that’s neither here nor there.” She laughs her husky laugh and I roll my eyes.

  It’s no wonder I don’t understand relationships at all.

  I think about what she’s asking me to do. The cost. It will free Elias of his debt, but I just now got my brother back. If I help Elias, I’m hurting Luka. I think of Elias with the deep cuts and bruises all over his body and know that Luka would do the same if he were in my shoes.

  “Okay, I’ll do it. Do I need to speak with a lawyer or what?”

  My mother turns and smiles at me, rushing over to hug me in the warmest way she’s ever managed to pull off. I cringe when I feel her arms around me. I’ve sold myself to the devil.

  “Yes, let me call Gorgio now. He can be over here within the hour. In the meantime, let’s have an early tea, shall we?”

  I swallow down the churning unrest in my stomach and nod. She makes her phone call and I look out the window, watching the ocean angrily thrash against the rocks.

  This decision could ruin me.

  It will ruin me. I already know this.

  If it saves Elias, it will be worth every ounce of heartache.

  * * *

  We have tea, complete with tiny sandwiches and biscuits, and I further seal my fate.

  Luka’s broken heart is what I dread the most.

  * * *

  I have several meetings with Gorgio over the next week. Other than that, I stay out of sight. I don’t need any run-ins with Luka to make me second-guess my decision. And seeing Elias with Brienne feels like something I couldn’t handle right now, not when I’m giving everything up for him. It would be too easy to throw it all away in a fit of anger, and I know I have to do this for him. The kind of friend he once was would do the same for me. It may be my final love letter to him, this sacrifice, but once it is said and done, maybe I can move on and be free of Elias Lancaster.

  Dear Elias,

  I’m crying as I write this.

  I wish I knew what I did to change things.

  Was I too eager? Did you not really feel the same all this time?

  You keep saying nothing has changed, but you don’t want to kiss me anymore, hold my hand anymore. You practically jump out of your skin when I touch you. How is that possible? You kissed me until my lips were raw and so were yours and all we did was lean in for more.

  What have I done?

  I don’t believe you when you say I’m too young for you. Every married couple has a little bit of an age difference between them. Two years is nothing! And it’s been nothing all summer when we made out under the stars.

  You say you just want to be friends and I will always be your friend, but I will never JUST be your friend. It’s not possible. You’re you, Elias Lancaster, love of my life, and the reason I have any happiness. I cannot just shut these feelings off like a light switch. NOT POSSIBLE.

  I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t give you these letters. It would’ve made me look foolish to pour my heart out to you day after day, when maybe you don’t love me the same way.

  My mother says I have to stop this lovesick nonsense. She says I have to marry someone rich anyway, someone with status…which are the same stupid things you used to always say…before our perfect summer that crashed and burned.

  I have all the faith in the world that they’ll see how perfect we are together when the time comes. As long as you don’t abandon me.

  You’ve been the only one who sees me and who knows my true heart. Sometimes I’m difficult at home when my parents are oblivious to what I’m going through and you always say, “That’s not you, Mara. You’re not spiteful. Tell them how you feel and give them a chance to listen.”

  They never do.

  I’ll never be who they want.

  And the one I always thought knew me best doesn’
t really want me either.

  I don’t know anything anymore.

  I’ve lost my compass if I don’t have you.

  Love,

  Mara

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Mara

  I dress in a black suit on the day of the trial. I’ve never worn a suit in my life, always opting for sexy over smart, and fun over practical. I spent the night at Benswei’s house last night, staying in the guest suite, while Gorgio and Mother schooled me on what I can and cannot say at the trial.

  I haven’t seen Elias since the morning after the warehouse incident. I’m a little surprised he hasn’t reached out to me, but it’s just as well. This will further cement the fact that he wants nothing to do with me. I have to make my peace with that. This is the choice I made when I agreed to this little sham.

  It’s a long drive to the courthouse. Gorgio sits across from me and I sit next to my mother, but none of us speak. The coldness I feel from Mother is nothing new; it’s how it’s always been between us, even in what I would’ve considered our closer times. She’s not a warm woman, even to her children. I wouldn’t know what to do if she was anything else.

  It’s why I will never have children. I’m afraid I wouldn’t know how to be anything different.

  Just another reason I should never be with Elias, I remind myself.

  When we pull up to the courthouse and I see all the reporters, I’m hit with nerves and second thoughts. Well—the second thoughts have never left…I can’t believe I’m actually going through with this ninety-nine percent of the time. The driver opens our door and Mother steps out first, with me following close behind. Cameras flash and we’re hit with a ton of questions, left and right.

  We arrived just in time, with only a couple of minutes to spare before going into the courtroom, so when we enter, Luka is already there. I see the surprise on his face that I’m here with our mother, before he schools the shutters over his eyes and looks at me with caution. I glance around the room and make note of Jadon being here. I hadn’t thought about him coming, but it makes sense that he’s here. It just makes this harder.

  I look past Jadon and see Elias sitting a couple of seats down from Luka, watching me with unveiled curiosity.

  I sit down and stare straight ahead until my father is led out in his handcuffs. Titus Catano, the mightiest, wealthiest king of the world. I’m grateful he’s in a suit and tie and not the customary purple jumpsuit. I know he wouldn’t be able to stand such humiliation.

  We go through hours watching the lawyers state their case against my father. It’s convincing. I can’t believe I was willing to be kept in the dark for so long and yet now, I have more to be embarrassed about, now that I’m seeing the truth. It would take something major happening to clear his case. Something like me lying for him.

  My stomach hurts with the tension. I feel eyes raking over me and wish I could sink into the floor and curl up in the fetal position.

  One incriminating fact after another is dangled in front of the courtroom. When they rest their case and the defense lawyers line up to talk about how they’re going to refute all these false facts, there’s new evidence, which is why we’re here in the first place, blah, blah, blah. I can’t be still. The need to get out of here is strong; the walls are closing in. I lean down, elbows on my knees, and try to catch my breath. And before I know it, it’s my turn to testify.

  Everything rushes into my mind at that moment.

  What will Luka do?

  I should’ve gone to him for help.

  Will my father really put an end to his blackmail if I do this?

  Will I go to prison for lying under oath?

  I sit on the witness stand and make the mistake of looking at Luka and Elias. They both look devastated. And it hurts so deeply, this pain I’m causing, that I nearly double over.

  Gorgio goes through the rudimentary questions and then he finally gets to the heart of the matter.

  “You have information that you haven’t shared with the courts, isn’t that right?”

  “Yes.”

  He looks at the crowd, relishing the drama. “Where were you the week your father was accused of playing part in Neil Safrin’s death?”

  My father swore me to secrecy when we left for Alidonia. I was to never tell anyone we’d been there. I believed he was finally including me in something important by taking me there and wanted to believe every lie he fed me. I look at him and shift in my seat. He lowers his head just enough to nudge me to speak and I change my mind.

  “With my father in Alidonia.”

  There’s commotion in the courtroom and my father lifts his head to the ceiling. I was supposed to say that we were in Yuman. When he looks at me again, there’s a rage there that I’m familiar with; now I see it for what it really is. He’s a murderer. I was another pawn in his elaborate plan to control everything.

  I turn and focus on Gorgio, who also looks like he wants to murder me. He stops in front of me instead of pacing and I hold my breath until he asks the next question. I’ve gone off script now. No one is safe, most of all Elias, if I don’t get this right.

  “What were you doing there?”

  A tremble begins in my legs and rises to my stomach and then my hands. The court is quiet as I sit there and contemplate all of the risks. I take a deep breath and say the bare minimum. “My father tried to convince King Farthing to stay peaceful and honor his agreement between Niaps and Farrow.”

  My dad left me alone at a resort for forty-eight hours while he did whatever he went there to do. Gorgio nods, pleased that I’m at least saying something he can work with.

  “And did Farthing agree?”

  This is where it feels like I could make or break Elias’s future. But do I dare risk my father going free? I take a deep breath.

  “No, he did not.”

  The judge quietens the courtroom and urges the lawyer to get on with questioning.

  “Why did your father take you with him?”

  “I thought he wanted to spend time with me.” I shrug.

  “And why didn’t you come forward before, to say this then?”

  “I thought it was common knowledge.”

  “Thank you for your testimony. That will be all.”

  When the next lawyer gets up, I know he won’t be as easy on me, and he isn’t. He grills me up and down and I stick to my story. I can see his temper building as his cheeks get red.

  “The truth is you were taken on a trip so things could die down about your behavior, isn’t that right?” He pulls out a paper and I cringe, knowing it can’t be good.

  He’s exactly right. I’d been on a bender that week and had been photographed drunk and with three different men in the span of six days. My father had insisted I travel with him and I had no choice but to obey. We went to Alidonia and he was so angry with me, he didn’t speak to me the whole trip.

  The lawyer shows the court the headlines leading up to that week, and I was a mess. I’d seen Elias at a party the week before, leaving with a beautiful black-haired woman, and he looked so entranced by her, I thought I’d lost him for good.

  “This isn’t the first time you’ve had to do paparazzi control, is it? In fact, it’s a regular occurrence for you.”

  The screen shows picture after picture of me in all states of disarray. I’ve been quite the partier. It’s only been the past few months—that guy I woke up next to being the only hitch—that I’ve tried to curtail my behavior.

  I lower my head and finally speak the truth. “I’ve tried to do better, be a better person…be someone my family can be proud of. Having my father go to prison shook some sense into me.”

  The lawyer just grins gleefully and I realize I’ve walked into a hole. He shows one last slide and it’s of me lying in bed asleep, covered but obviously naked, at that last guy’s house. The most recent mishap. His face looks smug in the picture. What an asshole. I wonder how much he made off of this shot.

  “Do you recognize this picture?
”

  “I’ve never seen it.”

  He scoffs at me and waves his hands for me to continue. “Do you recognize where this was taken?”

  “Yes.”

  “And how long ago was this taken—since your father has been in prison?”

  “Yes.” I stare him down, humiliated but not daring to let him see me sweat.

  “Something tells me you’d say anything to get in the good graces of your father. No further questions.”

  I stand with as much dignity as I can muster and walk out of the courtroom.

  Pretty much all I just succeeded in doing was making myself look like a fool.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Elias

  What the hell is she doing?

  As soon as I see Mara sitting on the sidelines with her mother, I’m unsettled. She looks scared, something I’ve rarely seen on her face. I nearly jump out of my chair and drag her out of the room when I see her walk up to testify on Titus’s behalf. This can’t be good.

  I don’t understand. Luka said she’d stood up to their mother and he was relieved she was finally coming around to believing him about their father. This doesn’t make sense.

  She lies on the stand. I know her better than I know myself. She flat-out lies.

  I put my head in my hands when they show the pictures of her, wanting to hit something. As angry as I am with her for how she’s lived her life—how can I have anything to say about it when I’ve lived the same careless way?—it’s nothing compared to how I feel about the lawyers attacking her. She doesn’t deserve that no matter how misguided she is about her father.

  When we take a break, I go out of the courtroom to look for her. She’s not in the building but outside, standing against the railing that overlooks the water. The wind picks up and her hair whips across the black material of her jacket like the yellow farsynthias that bloom year-round. She looks smaller than ever, like she’s lost weight and she didn’t have any to lose, but also like she’s shrinking in on herself…trying to make herself smaller.