5,331 Miles Page 17

Pleased, he stepped forward and helped me put it on. “You like it?”

  “I love it.” I held out my arm, admiring the way it looked against my skin and my dress.

  Anne had asked if we could take pictures at the beach behind their house, so we drove over there, Mum included, and as soon as we stepped out of the car, they had a picture fest. It was a bit uncomfortable just how excited they were. I didn’t want them to scare Jaxson off; I still wasn’t sure this was even a date. For all I knew, we were two friends going to a dance. But he put up with every picture—his arm around my waist, smiling down at me, standing with my back to his chest and both arms around me…we covered them all.

  On the way to the school, we kept glancing at each other and smiling. One time he stared a little too long and shook his head, rubbing his hand over his face.

  “It’s hard to concentrate on driving or anything else when you look like that,” he said. “Eyes on the road…”

  I laughed, feeling a rush of butterflies take flight in my chest.

  We’d spent so much time taking pictures that the dance was well underway when we got there. When we walked in, it felt like every eye in the room turned and stared at us. He laced his fingers through mine and we walked straight to the dance floor. It was a fast song, but he pulled my waist flushed to his, arms wrapping around me, and his forehead leaned on mine.

  “I don’t want this night to end,” he said. “This is every dream I’ve ever had, right here, with you.”

  My heart galloped away from me and I drank him in, soaking up every word. “This is all I’ve ever wanted,” I whispered. “You and me…”

  His lips lowered to mine and it was the sweetest, softest, breath of a kiss. We swayed in time with the music and I pulled him in closer, kissing him harder. His breath caught in my mouth and I loved knowing I affected him that way.

  And then I was yanked out of his arms and pushed back, forcing me to bump into the other couples dancing. Heather stood in front of Jaxson, shaking and enraged. I watched in slow motion as she slapped him and then ran out of the auditorium. Jaxson looked at me, stunned. When it switched to apologetic in the next second, it was like mud dousing all the butterflies. I staggered backward and he ran after Heather.

  I felt a hand on my elbow and turned. Derek led me off of the dance floor and to the punch bowl. He handed me a glass and I took it from him, numb.

  “She won’t let go of him so easily,” he said. A pained laugh burst out of him and he rubbed his mouth as if to shut it back inside. “Believe me, I’ve tried everything.”

  “You love her?” I asked.

  He nodded. “Since third grade. But I’m not the one she wants.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said softly.

  I didn’t like that he’d gone behind his best friend’s back, but I understood him more than I had before. A little too well.

  “You’re a smart girl…beautiful…I’d be rooting for you to be with Jax so I could have a clear path to Heather, but I don’t wish this feeling on anyone,” he said. “You should run while you’ve got a chance.” He ducked his head and walked away.

  I looked around and didn’t see any sign of Jaxson. I walked to the nearest table and sat down and then couldn’t be still, so I stood up and fidgeted. The tones from all the dresses swished together like a watercolor. I don’t know how long I stood there waiting for him to come back, but eventually, the floor cleared and people began to leave.

  “Are you okay?”

  I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned. Miles stood there, concerned.

  “Do you have a date tonight?” I asked.

  “N-no…” he said.

  “Do you think you could take me home?”

  We were quiet all the way home, and when we pulled up to my house, Miles stopped the car and turned to face me.

  “I’m just going to say this. You look like an angel tonight.” He put his hand on my cheek and moved closer. “I’m sorry you’re sad,” he said softly.

  He looked so sincere and I was so grateful; when he closed the distance between us and kissed me, I didn’t stop him.

  30

  Present

  When the bottom drops out, that’s when the good fills in the spaces, sinking into every crevice until you can’t remember there was ever a hole.

  The good came just in time, Diary.

  I need to remember that it always will…sometimes in its own time, but it will.

  Before I step inside the house, I chant out loud, “Be positive. Be positive. Be positive.”

  “Who are you tryin’ to convince—me or you?” Dave asks, stepping around the corner of the house with the garbage cans rolling behind him.

  I laugh, embarrassed. “Caught me.”

  “What’s up?”

  “Ah…it’s been a long week,” I tell him. “I don’t want to talk about that, though! I want to hear what was so important that you called me on the phone…”

  “I know—that ancient device that no one actually ever talks on anymore.” He parks the garbage cans and motions to the door. “Come on, let’s go in. It’s good to see you.”

  “You too.”

  Dave washes his hands and I sit at the kitchen table, waiting for him. Once he dries his hands, he holds up a finger and leaves the room. Really curious now, I nearly follow him out, but he’s back before I stand up…holding a little black velvet box.

  He sets it on the table and my eyes go wide.

  “Is that what I think it is?” I ask.

  He motions for me to take a look. I carefully open the box and inside is a stunning solitaire with an infinity platinum band.

  “Stunning,” I breathe.

  I look up at him and he’s nervous, waiting for me to say more.

  “It’s the prettiest ring I’ve ever seen.”

  He lowers his head and reaches over to take my hand. “I did this backward. I should’ve waited on the ring until after I’d asked your blessing, but…I saw that ring and just went for it!” He laughs and pats my hand and my eyes well up. “Hence the call!” His shoulders shake and I laugh too because I’ve never seen him so flustered.

  “Mum will totally say yes, and of course, you have my blessing! You coming into our lives was the highlight of my senior year and every year since. It feels like we’ve loved you forever.” I wipe the tears from my cheek and beam. “This will be the best wedding ever.”

  His eyes are misty as he looks at me. “Thank you, Mira. It means the world to me to know you’re happy about this. You and Vanessa are a package deal and I love you so much. I hope you know that.”

  I lean across the table and hug him, crying into his neck. I cry so hard that eventually he pulls away.

  “Hey, are you sure you’re okay?” he asks, reaching for the box of tissues.

  “I’m so happy about this. Really, I am.” I hiccup and then laugh at myself. “You know, I’ve always thought I was pretty well-adjusted…not having a dad around and all that. I wonder if maybe I’m not so much…” I blow into the tissue. “I think I might have to deal with that pretty soon.” I sigh. “But you…” My lip wobbles again. “You have never failed to make me feel valued and loved. Like a real dad should.”

  “Loving you and your mother are the easiest things I’ve ever done,” he says.

  * * *

  I think about Dave’s words all the way to the restaurant. I didn’t want to infringe on their romantic dinner, but Dave insisted that I be a part of it, so I’m in the back seat half-listening to their conversation up front.

  What if loving someone really is as easy as this?

  I know it didn’t come to my mum easily. She grieved over my dad for years, both while they were together and after he left. It certainly didn’t come easily for my dad, who’d been able to walk away from us and never look back. Jaxson and I have skirted around each other for years, too afraid to love at the same time…out of sync. Miles—I don’t know if he feels anything like love for me, but he has felt more for me than I feel for him since
we met in high school. Why is it easy for some and not for others?

  Charles and Anne are already at our table, no sign of Jaxson. I feel like I’m an outsider looking in—not because anyone leaves me out or makes me feel that way, but because I have a hard time shutting off all the thoughts. It’s like I’m closing in on something important but haven’t figured out what it is yet. I try to shake it for now, especially when I realize the moment is here. Dave is asking Mum to marry him.

  She whimpers when she sees him get down on one knee and everyone in the restaurant turns to watch. She’s shaking and saying, “Yes!” before he fully says the words. We all laugh and clap when he slides the ring on her finger and kisses her.

  “Did all of you know this was happening tonight?” Mum says, wiping her tears with her napkin.

  “No idea,” Anne says, practically jumping out of her seat.

  “Only Mira.” Dave winks at me.

  I reach across the table and put my hand on theirs. “I’m so happy.”

  * * *

  Jaxson texts before I get into bed.

  Congratulations! I heard Dave is in for the long haul.

  Me: It was pretty great—he got down on one knee and everything. I think we might have a wedding around Christmas.

  No need to wait when you know what you want.

  I set my phone on the nightstand. Everything Jaxson says lately feels like it has a double meaning, and I’m exhausted trying to keep up with him. I look at my phone and pick it back up.

  Me: I’m afraid I won’t be able to hang out this weekend. Mum wants me to go dress shopping with her. Between work and school, weekends are going to be insane until January.

  Okay.

  Can I watch Winston while you shop?

  Me: That would be great actually.

  What time can I pick him up?

  Me: I’m leaving early, but he’ll be okay here until you’re ready to get him.

  He types and the dots go away. That repeats for a few minutes.

  Okay.

  * * *

  Mum wants to have breakfast at The Cottage on Fay Avenue and lay out the plans for the day. Anne and Liesl show up at the house at seven thirty with Jaxson on their tails, looking very well-rested despite the hour.

  He kisses Mum on each cheek, congratulating her, and then turns and does the same to me.

  “You’re looking lovely this morning, Bells,” he says sweetly.

  “As are you,” I say with a little curtsy.

  He lifts a brow and then scowls when Winston growls at him. “It’s too early in the day for that,” he says, laughing.

  I hand Winston to him and my puppy looks betrayed. “I’ll be home soon,” I whisper in Winston’s ear, kissing his face.

  “I’m totally envying a dog right now...didn’t know that was possible,” Jaxson says.

  The ladies laugh and I flush. I haven’t seen him since we kissed and it’s hard to look at him without thinking of that.

  “All right, we better head out,” I say in a singsong voice, backing away from Jaxson so I can breathe.

  He holds Winston up to his face and they are a picture I will not be able to get out of my head. “We’ll be waiting,” he says.

  * * *

  Liesl pulls out a wedding binder three inches thick at breakfast. She is not messing around. She’s mapped out the order of the shops we need to try and even has pictures of dresses she thinks will be perfect on my mum.

  “Did you just have this on hand or—?”

  “I didn’t sleep after she told me the news last night,” Liesl beams, “and I had the notebook, so I just started filling it up.”

  “Impressive.”

  “Well, we don’t have a lot of time.” She looks at Mum. “Are you serious about a Christmas wedding?”

  “If you think we can pull it off.”

  “You’ll most likely have to wear either a sample gown or something ready-to-wear, but there are lovely options out there…especially at these places.” She taps her finger on two of the shops.

  “It’s my second wedding and the next massive affair we have should be Mira’s wedding.”

  They all look at me and smile and I yelp.

  “I can’t even keep a boyfriend!”

  Anne and Mum exchange looks.

  “What?” I ask.

  “Oh, I just have a heartsick boy at my house, that’s all.” Anne laughs. “Don’t worry,” she holds her hand up when she sees my face fall, “I think it’s good for him. Lord knows he put you through the wringer in high school. Just…don’t make him wait too long, eh?”

  * * *

  When we get home, Jaxson is in my room looking miserable. “He’s hidden under the bed all day. I can’t get him to come out. He hates me.”

  “He’ll come around,” I tell him.

  When Winston hears my voice, he runs out and twirls madly around my feet. I bend down and he licks my face, beside himself with excitement.

  I laugh and try to pet his wiggling body. Looking up at Jaxson, grinning, I pause when he looks heartbroken.

  “Not a single thing has worked on our list. Are we cursed, Bells?”

  31

  Past

  2014

  Have you ever wondered why some lips completely draw you in and other equally nice lips just don’t have that same magnetic quality? I’ve wondered about it a lot, D.

  Miles pulled away. “Did you feel anything?” He smiled.

  I laughed and took his hand. “My heart did speed up,” I tell him. “It was nice. I’m sorry I’m such a mess.”

  “Can’t blame a guy for trying,” he said.

  “Thank you for saving the night.”

  “Anytime, Mira.”

  * * *

  It was after midnight when he showed up and I was ready for him.

  “Don’t bother coming up,” I called down from my window.

  “Please, Bells, let me explain. Please.”

  I groaned, angry with myself for always caving with him but unable to stop myself from lifting the window further and letting him in.

  “I’m so sorry,” was the first thing out of his mouth when he stepped in my bedroom. “I’m sorry I left—I came looking for you and you were gone.”

  I scowled at him and turned away. He stopped me with his hand and I looked at him over my shoulder.

  “I waited a long time, Jaxson. You didn’t come looking soon enough.”

  “Things have been over between Heather and me, but tonight I finished it for good. I think her pride was bruised, seeing me kiss you like that, but it’s over, Mira. I felt like I at least owed her a conversation.”

  “That’s fair. As far as owing me—you don’t. I have no idea what we are.” My voice rose and I clamped a hand over my mouth and then whispered, “But you asked me to go with you tonight and then abandoned me there. Miles brought me home. He’s the one who kissed me good night. It’s been a long night and I just want—”

  “—He kissed you?” He was in my face in seconds, cheeks pink.

  “No. You don’t get to be jealous, Jaxson. Don’t you dare.”

  His eyes softened and he looked at the floor. “Have I missed my chance with you, Bells? Is he who you want?”

  “You want a chance with me? How would I know that? When we kissed before, you still went right back to Heather. Tonight you kissed me and ran after Heather. I don’t think I’m the one you should be asking. What do you want, Jaxson?”

  “I want you. I’ve always wanted you.” He sat on my bed and put his head in his hands.

  “What?”

  His eyes were anguished when he looked up. “I thought I had time…and I just keep blowing it. I got distracted by other things, but I always knew you were the one I wanted to spend forever with.” He stood up and put his hand on my arm, his thumb brushing circles across my skin. “We’re still so young, you know? There have been times I’ve questioned if those things I felt as a kid in Holmes Chapel were for life, but every time I’ve seen your face, de
ep down, I’ve known. Even when we weren’t talking and you wouldn’t look at me in the halls at school, I hoped and prayed it was only a matter of time before we were together.”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat.

  “My mum and Charles have put the fear of God in me about not sullying your reputation…or pressuring you to be with me before you’re ready. And I won’t,” he rushed to add. “I swear I would never do that. Just please tell me I’m right and that you feel the same too.”

  “I don’t know what to say,” I whispered. “Shock,” I added.

  “I love you, Bells.” He leaned his head on mine, his hand winding through my hair. “I’ve never said that to anyone but you…”

  I touched his cheek and down his neck, sniffling. “I love you too.”

  “God, those are the best words I’ve ever heard you say,” he whispered.

  His lips landed on mine in a rush, crashing into me as if he wanted to crawl into my skin and live there. I felt completely his, from the top of my head to the tingling tips of my toes.

  “You’re not running this time?” I asked when he kissed along my jawline and planted small kisses around my mouth before consuming me again.

  He hummed his answer.

  I floated to the sky and didn’t come back to Earth until he pulled away and stared at me, chest heaving. What was that? I stared at his lips in fascination, awed that they were capable of evoking such things in me.

  “This has been the best, worst, best night,” he said.

  I smiled. “That describes it perfectly.”

  “This—kissing you, finally saying how I feel and hearing you say it back—it’s a thousand times better than any time I’ve played it out in my head,” he whispered, placing one more kiss on my nose.

  I grinned, amazed that he’d been imagining the same things I had.