5,331 Miles Read online

  He gave my back a few pats and stepped away, still red.

  “Thanks, Gemma,” I said.

  I went in for a hug, but she laughed. “Save the hugs for Jaxson,” she said. “I’ve already handed out my hug for the day. Happy Birthday, kid.”

  I stuck my tongue out at her and made her help me with the necklace.

  As soon as the necklace was on, Jaxson took my hand and dragged me outside.

  “I have one more present for you.” We were almost to the rose garden and he pulled me behind a tree and pointed to the ground.

  A little box sat in a dug-up hole.

  “Is that our collection box?” I bent down to pick up the box.

  “Yes, I thought we better move it someplace safer. And no one will mess with it here, right?”

  “Good idea, Jaxson.”

  We’d been working on this box for months. It had our favorite rocks, a few books, candy, pictures of our favorite football players, and a CD of our favorite songs. We’d decided to only open it every couple of years to add new favorite things.

  He gave me a playful nudge and pulled something out of his pocket.

  “I just have to add this one thing,” he said. He held up a folded piece of paper.

  “I want to see!” I held out my hand.

  He held the paper just out of my reach as I tried to grab it. “I don’t know. I think I’d like you to read it later. Much later. Like, when we’re fourteen and fifteen or something…”

  “C’mon, let me read it! It’s my birthday.” I fluttered my eyelashes and he laughed.

  “Stop it. Here, read it.” He gave me the paper and stuck his hands in his pockets, looking shy again.

  I wasn’t used to him being the timid one.

  “You’re being so weird today.” I shook my head at him.

  “I should have just put it in the box before I showed you. But now, I can’t have you beggin’ me forever.” He rolled his eyes.

  I flicked his arm and he laughed, rubbing his arm.

  “I have to see it if it’s in our box!”

  I unfolded the paper and it was a list in Jaxson’s writing.

  The Life List for Jaxson & Bells

  1) Be together forever.

  2) Go to America and eat peanut butter every day.

  3) Go to the top of the Eiffel Tower.

  4) And the Empire State Building.

  5) Make enough money to eat out all the time. (Unless Bells learns to cook.)

  6) Read every single book at the library. (Bells)

  7) Go swimming with dolphins.

  8) Visit all the zoos in the world.

  9) Always have a dog.

  10) Live on the beach.

  11)

  I read it a few times, nodding as I thought about each one. Finally I looked at him. “You need to read the books with me.”

  “We’ll see,” he teased.

  “What was number eleven going to be?”

  “I-it was, uh, about kids.”

  “What kids?”

  “Um, our kids?” he said.

  “Oh. Our kids?” I smoothed out the paper and tried to see if anything was written in that he’d erased. “You mean, yours and mine?”

  “Yeah.”

  “That we have together.”

  He sighed. “Yes, Bells. See why I didn’t want you to read it yet?”

  “Oh. Okay.” I nodded again. And couldn’t stop smiling. “Just making sure. We should write that in then—got a pen?”

  He reached in his pocket and pulled out a pencil. “Just this.”

  He handed the pencil to me, but I gave it back to him. “It should be in your writing, since you made the list.”

  He took the pencil back and the paper and leaned against the tree to write: Have kids. (At least two.)

  When he was done, he looked at me and lifted an eyebrow. “Is that good?”

  “Two’s good. Three’s better.”

  He nodded, erased the two, and added a three.

  “So…we’re doing all of these things together?” I just had to make sure I was fully understanding what he meant with this very beautiful and important document.

  “Yeah!” He pointed to number one. “See? It says right there.”

  I had to press my lips together to keep the grin from cracking my chapped lips.

  “I like it,” I said.

  “Good. Now, let’s sign it and bury it.”

  We both signed our names, and he put the list in the box and locked it. We both spread the dirt over the box and patted it until there was no sign that anything was there.

  He held up his pinky finger and I latched mine around it.

  “Okay, it’s official,” he said.

  Best day of my life.

  3

  Present

  I never knew I was a violent person until tonight. Is it okay to be both proud and horrified? You don’t have to answer that, Diary, but I think it’s fair to say I’m a disaster.

  Yours truly, Mira Hart

  When we get to the house, Chad follows me to the door and steps inside. I turn around and put a hand on his chest, wanting to push him right back out the door. He doesn’t get the hint. He walks me into the wall and kisses me. I dodge under his arms and put my hands on my hips.

  “I’m not feeling it tonight, Chad. Sorry. I’m…just not.”

  “We have the house to ourselves!” He glares at me.

  “I don’t care! I didn’t leave the party to come have sex in my mum’s house!” I lean against the back of the couch, suddenly exhausted.

  “Why did we leave then? We haven’t been together in weeks, and the last time was trying to be quick before Maddie got back to the dorm. What’s going on, Mira?” he asks.

  I look out the window as images of Jaxson float through my mind. Us running through the woods as kids. Dreaming up new adventures every day. The smile he’d get when I tried to sing and sounded so terrible. The way he took care of me every time I was sick, even more than my mum did.

  The last few years I’ve only been able to think about the negative. The horrible way things turned upside down with us.

  But tonight…seeing him again…I can’t seem to stop thinking about all the good. There was so much good.

  I shake my head and try to clear Jaxson out. I can’t afford to get sentimental now. He wrecked me, and there is no way I’m going to allow him to do it again.

  “It’s nothing big. I’m tired. Not feeling too well. Let’s talk tomorrow, okay?”

  Chad walks over and puts his arms around me.

  “Okay. But I want to spend time with you this summer. I’m tired of the long-distance thing.”

  I roll my eyes. “I’ve been twenty minutes away, Chad. Hardly qualifies as long distance.”

  “You know what I mean. You’re finally home for the summer. I’m tired of missing you when you’re not right here.” He puts his hands on my bum and pulls me in tighter. “I don’t want to have to miss you when you are here too.”

  I think this is the most Chad has ever said in one conversation.

  “I hear you—we’ve been busy with work and school. But it’s going to be a great summer,” I tell him.

  And I try to really mean it.

  * * *

  Chad is gone five minutes, tops, when my phone starts blowing up. Unknown number.

  Did you really have to leave?

  I’ve wanted to see you for so long. A few minutes wasn’t enough.

  You took my breath away, Bells.

  Remember that time we nearly set my mum’s kitchen on fire baking cookies? The way my heart pounded that day…that’s how it felt tonight when I saw you.

  Bells?

  Me: Jaxson?

  Yep, it’s me.

  Me: Lose my number.

  C’mon. How long can this go on?

  Something taps my window. It happens again. And again. No way.

  I look out and Jaxson is in the tree outside my window. He gives a cheeky grin when he sees me.
<
br />   I groan and open the window. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

  “Let me in,” he says.

  “No.”

  He looks over his shoulder. “I’d forgotten what a view you have up here.” He lifts an eyebrow. “I can stay out here all night, you know.”

  I stand back and hold out my hand, giving him permission to climb inside. I know he’s stubborn enough to stay out there all night and bug me. It wouldn’t be the first time.

  Once he stumbles inside, he looks me over and lifts both eyebrows. “This outfit is even better.”

  I suddenly feel self-conscious in my tank and short shorts. I try to pull the shorts down a little, but it’s hopeless.

  His green eyes are all lit up, making it hard to look away. His dimple is out in full force, and I think for probably the zillionth time in my life that Jaxson is the most gorgeous guy I’ve ever seen.

  I force myself to stop staring at him and sit on my bed. Determined to not let him get to me, I lean against the headboard and pick up a book. He sits beside me and puts his chin on my shoulder. I jump up and he falls over.

  “Why now, Jaxson? You’re acting as if no time has passed at all! You don’t get to march in here and act like…like everything is just as it was!” I’m pacing and waving my arms around like a crazy person. “It isn’t. We’re not friends anymore. You don’t know me anymore. I don’t know you. Our friendship,” I point back and forth between us, “was a very long time ago and it’s over now. Nothing is the same, Jaxson. Nothing.” My voice warbles at the end and I look at the ceiling, willing my eyes to stop watering.

  He stands up and puts his hand on my arm, stopping me in my tracks. “Mirabelle,” he says softly, “it’s still you and me and it always will be. You can’t just forget all that we mean to one another.”

  “You did,” I whisper.

  “Never. I never forgot, I promise you that.”

  He pulls me closer, brushing his fingers against my shoulder. I shiver and then get embarrassed that he’s able to see how much he affects me. His eyes are locked on mine, pulling me in. His hands clutch either side of my face and he moves closer. My eyes shut just as his lips touch mine.

  For a minute, I lose myself in him. He groans and deepens the kiss. I grab his hair and kiss him the way I’ve dreamed of kissing him for so long. It feels even better than I remembered. His soft lips and tongue make my heart fall into my feet. I haven’t kissed him like this since…

  ————

  The brakes screech for me. I pull away and punch him in the face.

  4

  Present

  Finally something in my life worth writing about: I’m going to be famous.

  Sincerely, THE Blue-Eyed Shadow

  Jaxson pulls away, holding his nose. “What the bloody hell?” he yells. He’s nearly lost all of his accent, but when he says that, he almost sounds like we used to. Blood gushes out of his nose and onto the floor. “I think you broke my nose.”

  “You’re fine. It’s just a little blood.” I grab a towel from the bathroom and hold it up to his nose. “You had it coming.”

  I scowl at him while putting pressure on the towel and then nearly bite a hole in my lip. When it seems the bleeding is letting up, I sit back down on the bed.

  “I’m sorry I hit you, okay?” I mumble. “I shouldn’t have done that. You just…you need to leave.” I glance at him and then walk to the window. “I’ve changed, Jaxson. I’m not the little gullible fool I was growing up. I’m not the girl you can just use whenever someone else isn’t available.”

  I feel his hand on my back and close my eyes. Every time he touches me, my skin jumps to attention. His breath is hot against my neck.

  “I know I’ve made mistakes, Bells,” he leans close and whispers in my ear, “but you were never one of them. Every moment we were together, I knew I was right where I was supposed to be. It’s all the time apart that has been hell.” He tugs on my arm and gently turns me around. “I’ve changed too. I know I messed up. Please let me back in. Give me another chance. We made promises to each other—remember?”

  He lifts my chin and tries to get me to look at him, but I don’t.

  “You are the best friend I’ve ever had, Mirabelle. Ever. I know a lot of time has passed, but…my heart is still yours. We have things to do.” He laughs. “Come on, look at me!”

  I finally do and he smiles the cheesiest grin and shakes my shoulders. “We have a list we still need to check off! And you’re not getting out of it.” He quickly kisses my cheek and climbs out the window before I can even digest what just happened.

  I watch him jump out of the tree once he gets low enough. I put my elbows on the windowsill and lean out. “I don’t know when you think you gave your heart to me, Jaxson. I must have missed that.”

  He looks up and puts his hands on his hips. “Looks like I’m going to have to remind you that you love me.”

  “That was never in question,” I mutter under my breath. Thankfully, he doesn’t hear. What I say loud enough for him to hear is: “Forget the list. There’s no way I’m having your babies.”

  He shrugs. “I’m up for the challenge. Tell Channing to watch his back.”

  “It’s Chad, and you know it.”

  “Whatever.”

  I slam my window down before either of us can say another word. And then I pace.

  I’ve never doubted that Jaxson probably regretted not having a friend like me anymore, but I thought the “Will Jaxson and Mira be a couple” question had been put to rest long ago. We shut that door, and I can’t believe he’d try to reopen it.

  * * *

  Over the next few days, I hide out in my room. I blame exhaustion when my mum tries to get me out of the house. I tell Chad I need to spend time with my mum. And I try to pretend Jaxson doesn’t exist.

  He texts for three days and I ignore every single one. The last text is a picture of us photoshopped, swimming with dolphins. It makes me laugh, but I quickly get a little twinge in my gut. I stare at Jaxson’s face in the picture for the longest time and wonder if it will ever stop hurting to look at him.

  * * *

  Maddie drives over from Santa Barbara for the weekend. We catch up quickly, talking about everything and nothing. My mum comes in while we’re getting dressed to go out.

  “Looks like it took Maddie coming to get you out of the house,” Mum says with a smirk.

  I bite my tongue. I just don’t want to talk with her about Jaxson and that’s all she wants to talk about. Later, Maddie and I meet up with Chad and his friends, Chance and Bobby, at Beaumont’s. It’s one of our favorite places—good food, live music. As we’re looking at the dessert menu, the band comes out and starts tuning their instruments. I hear it in the background but don’t pay attention until they start playing.

  “Who is this?” Maddie asks. “They’re amazing!”

  “I love that guy’s voice,” I say and turn around to see who it is.

  My breath catches in my throat. Jaxson is standing in front of a band, singing his heart out. I’ve heard him sing before, but never like this. The other guys in the band are singing now too, but Jaxson is the only one I see.

  Chad mutters something, but I can’t even pretend to be interested. In fact, when the guys try to get us to leave and go to a movie, I tell them to all go without me. Maddie holds onto my arm.

  “I wanna stay with Mira,” she says. “Maybe we can catch up with you guys later.”

  Chad glares at me before stalking off.

  “Somebody’s not happy.” Maddie laughs. “Are you and Chad fighting?”

  I shrug. “We haven’t been. He’s annoying me right now though,” I admit. I lean over and yell in her ear, since the music is getting louder. “That guy singing … remember me telling you about Jaxson?”

  She nods.

  “That’s him.”

  Her mouth drops and she looks between Jaxson and me with huge eyes.

  “No wonder Chad is annoying you.” She li
fts an eyebrow. And then she mouths: “Oh my god!”

  I roll my eyes. “No. I know. I mean, I don’t know. I-I just can’t let him see me here, but I want to stay and listen. It’s been so long since I’ve heard him and he never sounded quite like this. He’s been texting me nonstop since his party the other night, and I—”

  “Wait, hold up. You’ve talked to him?”

  I nod and put my finger up to my lips, shushing her. She puts her hands on her hips and I laugh. I know I’ll have to fess up soon enough, but for now, I just want to stare at my beautiful boy who is now a stranger.

  A few songs later, I know the moment he sees me. He smiles a heart-stopping smile and doesn’t look away. Between songs, he says something to one of the guys, straps on an acoustic guitar, and sits on a stool. The other guys step back and listen as Jaxson plays.

  His eyes find mine once again and Maddie squeezes my arm.

  “He’s completely into you!” she squeals.

  I swat her hand away and listen to every word Jaxson sings.

  I can’t believe I let you walk away

  I didn’t know you meant forever

  We spent a lifetime chasing firefly dreams

  Now it seems you have forgotten

  Blue-eyed shadow

  Black-haired beauty

  Remember me

  Come home

  Blue-eyed shadow

  Black-haired beauty

  Remember me

  Come home

  I took a detour along the way

  I didn’t know what I had until you were gone

  All the promises and memories

  Now it’s up to me to remind you

  Blue-eyed shadow

  Black-haired beauty

  Remember me

  Come home

  Blue-eyed shadow